Heart of Stone
In October of 1984, God sent us to Israel. I remember explicitly how both Kathy and Doyle spoke to me that I would love Israel, and that it would change my life. Well, not only did it change my life, but the call to the ministry as Jesus spoke in Acts 1:8,
"ye shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you: and ye shall be witnesses unto me both in Jerusalem, and in all Judaea, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth."
came into my heart while in Israel. Up until this time, I had only assisted in prayer and gave verbal testimonies a few times in church, but I had never taught nor ministered to anyone outside my immediate family. After all, I was a singer and worship leader for God. That was enough, right?! Wrong! God's power moved for all of us miraculously in Israel, and I literally saw Acts 1:8 beginning to be fulfilled in my life even though I didn't have a so-called ministry as yet. Three months later, I was privileged to travel with Doyle, Patti, and Kathy to Africa, and again, we saw God's miraculous power move. God made place for me to speak a couple of times, and I sang almost every meeting. I remember a brother, Bartholomew Manjoro, encouraged me greatly in the Lord when he said, "You see how the people here are moved by the spirit of God when you sing, and most of them don't understand your language! Do you realize what you can do with the anointing of God in America in the hearts of people who understand your language?" Frankly, I had not, but God was enlarging my heart to fulfill his call upon my life. When we returned from Africa, God moved us into a brand new house that we had originally built (we thought) to sell, but God said, "That's your house!" Well, who was I to argue with God? Ha! Three months later, God said, "I want you to start a bible study in your home." Stupid me questioned, "Who will come?" God was very gracious and gave me the name of a man in the church. I called and asked him if he would be interested to come to my home for a bible study, and to my amazement he replied, "Sure!" In fact, everybody that God showed me to ask came, and for the next six months, we had over 20 people in our home every week to teach the Gospel. Then one afternoon in mid-September, I was on my way home from a paint job and passed by Doyle's home, so I stopped. I was astonished to learn that he had been praying about me that day and wondered if I would be willing and ready to begin a fellowship in Denton, Texas, a community about 45 miles northwest of Plano. I said that I was willing if Doyle believed it was right, and God would make me ready. There were several families from there who were a part of this ministry from years before, and he believed it was right to minister to them there, and I should do it. I said, "Okay!", and ten days later, Kathy and I were in Denton! So, one year after God spoke to me in Israel, I had been to Africa, moved into a new home, began a bible study in that home, and began as a minister in a new fellowship in Denton, Texas. With all this whirlwind spiritual activity in my life, someone may think that I had become spiritually mature. Actually, God was using all of this experience to deal with my heart, to begin to believe the Gospel on my own, and to rely on God when decisions needed to be made. You see, I had been nurtured, protected, and established in the foundation of the apostle/prophet ministry for eight years by the faith in Doyle Davidson's heart like Jesus did for nearly three years with his disciples. Now, when a decision arose about what God wanted to do in our meetings in Denton, I couldn't turn to Doyle or call him on the phone and cry, "What should I do?!" I had to hear God myself. I remember one day going to the church to talk with Doyle. I went to his office and was told he had just gone to the west side of the building. I went to the west wing of the building, and he had just gone out the west door around to the east side. I go out the west door and around to the east side, and he is driving away, doesn't see me, and Jesus says, "Why don't you ask me?" No, it's not that I don't listen or talk to Doyle anymore, because I do. It's just that during this period of time, God was establishing my heart to trust in hearing him myself. You see, I had told Doyle one time that I was going to hang onto him just like Peter did upon Jesus. Doyle didn't say a word. Several days later, I was working in my backyard raking and praying, and Jesus clearly chastised me and said, "I had to leave Peter in the flesh once too!" I knew I had been had, and God led me to repentance. In I Corin. 11:1-3 Paul wrote,
"Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ. Now I praise you, brethren, that ye remember me in all things, and keep the ordinances, as I delivered them to you. But I have you know, that the head of every man is Christ;"
I had a great deal of respect for Doyle as a man, but I had been taught to understand that it was Jesus and the Spirit of God in him. However, even though I knew that, I have come to realize it was not always easy to differentiate and accept, but by the grace of God working the Gospel in my heart, I have.
Another backyard experience occurred in the Spring of 1986. We had been in Denton for about six months by now, and frankly, things were operating fairly smooth. I now know that it was God's mercy in the life of a new upstart in the Kingdom. As stated earlier, all of this experience was toward my perfection which is still being achieved. Anyway, the house that God gave us was built on the lot that had been used by the developers where the concrete mixers were located to build the streets. Consequently, there was about three to six inches of pebble rock about 1inch in diameter covering our backyard which measured about 7500 sq. ft. That may not sound like a lot until you have to rake it all. After about 3 months of laboring with this rock, I cried out to God in frustration, "Why did you have to give us a house on this lot?!!" He replied, "This is like your heart." I stood back from the pile of rocks I had been raking, looked at them, and soon realized this was another path of righteousness to deal with my heart (Psalm 23:3), and I began to give thanks. I said, "Well, at least they are broken in pieces and not one solid rock!" In Mark 4, Jesus taught the Parable of the Sower, and in verse 16 he explains,
"And these are they likewise which are sown on stony ground, who, when they have heard the word, immediately receive it with gladness; and have no root in themselves, and so endure but for a time: afterward, when affliction or persecution ariseth for the word's sake; immediately they are offended."
Now, I could have foolishly rebelled and thought that this could not be me because I had been given position, responsibility, etc., but I knew my heart was not perfect, and God was ordering my steps to deal with those imperfections and to establish my heart in the Gospel of the Kingdom. In Psalm 37:23 it says,
"The steps of a man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand."
God told me over twelve years ago, "I'll never let you make a mistake," and I thought that was great! Then he continued, "as long as you keep your heart and eyes upon me!" I can honestly say he has performed exactly what he said as long as I do exactly what he tells me, and he has removed a bunch of those pebble rocks along the way as well. We are truly blessed to serve the ever living God, and I do not desire to do anything else. You know, his nature is proclaimed in Exodus 34:6,
"The Lord, The Lord God, merciful, gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin,".
By working his nature in us, all of our iniquities are removed, and our sins are forgiven, and we are perfected or made complete by trusting in, relying on, and adhering to the Gospel of the Kingdom of God, the death, burial, and resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ. Praise The Lord!